Play naughty, play nice
by MyriadL
Summary: Sirius thinks of a surefire way for James to get Lilly. But, as it goes, everything surefire shall backfire. And Moony will not be pleased. SBRL, JPLE
1. Chapter 1

„Prongs… "

Not a soul did stir, not a cricket did fidget.

„Prongs… "

Not a sound could be heard bellow James Potter's pillow.

„Prongs?"

Perhaps he wasn't even breathing.

„Prongs!"

Perhaps Evans finally _had _destroyed his will to live.

„PRONGS! "

„What, Sirius?!", the sixteen year old belted out, rolling to his side, a mess of tossed hair, rumpled clothes and pale flesh.

„Ouch. "

„_That's_ what you were calling me for? To say 'ouch'? "

„You just called me by my first name. ", he retorted, appearing every bit the wounded puppy. „Some would call that cause for alarm. _Padfoot _would. "

„Sorry Pads, I just…"

„Want me to leave you alone so you can sulk? "

„Yeah, I do. "

„Cut it, no deal. "

„Padfoot! ", James squealed in desperation, too irritated for any other sort of reply, too battered by recent events to even truly care.

„Now _that's_ music for my ears. Evans does have a way of bringing out the castrate in you. "

„Padfoot! "

„Did you know muggles used to do that? Way to prove it's useful to know a simple voice altering-"

„Padfoot! "

„I didn't buy it either at first, but then Moony showed me this picture-"

„PADFOOT! "

„What? "

„Is there a reason you dragged me away from-"

„Plotting your own demise? I am offended you would even inquire. ", Sirius retorted, the playful smirk on his lips revealing that, indeed, he did find this situation as amusing as it looked. Also, that he found himself to be quite a bit brilliant just about now, and wasn't going to explain why without the most proper of introductions.

If James Potter had inside himself even the tiniest desire to breathe, he probably would have found it all a good laugh. Unfortunately, he had sunk low enough for talking at all to have become an effort. Exhaustedly, he muttered:

„And your tactic is telling me muggles are stupid? "

„No, though it does make a guy wonder. My tactic, my chief argument, insert here, if you will, my dear elated friend, merely the most elegant of drum rolls", he mimicked the sound to James' obvious displeasure, "My tactic is this- you, my weepy Prongsie, are not."

„Not what? "

„Stupid, you imbecile! "

„Ah. "

„Aha. "

„Aah. "

„Yes. "

„That's it? "

„Almost. "

„Excuse me while I cry to death. "

„Oh, that's rich, you godforsaken drama queen, no one still buys that 'If Wiwwy refuses me one more time, I'll croak' routine, coz' counting-"

„Padfoot, I told her that if she said no again, I'd jump off the Astronomy tower, all right!? "

„And if you meant it, you'd be dead! "

„Exactly. "

„---"

„---"

„At least you're alive. "

„Merely preparing not to be. "

„Prongsie! "

„_What?!?_ It's just like you said, she doesn't like me, and I'm beginning to think… She never will. "

„I'm a moron sometimes, that's not true. "

„She still said no…"

„She didn't think you'd do it. "

„I thought I would. "

„Yeah, I know. But, as they say, it ain't over 'till James Potter jumps. And you, incidentally James Potter, shall not jump. "

„Why not? "

„I've been waiting for you to ask me that! Yours truly, stop groaning, shall save your ass, Jimmy, that's why. "

„I've threatened suicide, what could possibly make her care less? "

„See, that's where you're wrong, I'm not saying she cares at all. "

„Brilliant. "

„But I'm saying she might. And how, you ask, or would, were you not tongue-tied at my obvious genius? "

Sirius dodged the pillow by an inch.

„Ye of little faith! What lacks odor, taste and is transparent? "

„I'd say Snivellus if you'd omitted the smell part. "

„Veritaserum. "

„What? "

„Merlin, Prongs, truth potion. "

„I know what it is, I just…"

„What? "

„It's illegal. "

„Mordred, she has got your balls. When has that stopped us? "

„It's…it takes months to brew. "

„So, you've waited six years, what's a month? "

„It…"

„What, James? "

„What if she still hates me? "

„Then we'll work from there. "

„I don't know…"

„That's just it; then, you will. _Finally. _C'mon, Prongs…say it. "

„---"

„Where's your Gryffindor guts? "

„I…"

„You? "

„Solemnly swear I am up to no good. "

„Wicked! You'll be glad to know Snivelly just brewed us some. "

„What? Snape brewed _us _a potion? "

„You really are whipped. He brewed some for Lucy, but sir Goldilocks will be real disappointed when he finds out its gone. "

„---"

„Finally, a smile."

„Sirius? "

„Again with the first name. What? "

„I, um… Thanks. A lot. "

„Yeah, yeah, just be sure to name the kids after me. "

„You have no middle name. "

„Seriously? "

„Shut up. You know, I think I decided on a name. "

„Torture Moony with these things, or Pete, not-"

„Snitch. "

„Who? "

„My son, Snitch Potter. "

„Prongs…"

„Yeah? "

„Rethink the tower. "

This time, the pillow did not miss.


	2. Chapter 2

„You're kidding?! "

„Nope. We really are in luck with the Veritaserum. "

„Not that! ", Peter sighed, rolling his eyes. „You're really not kidding when you say Snape spends his time in the _girls _bathroom!? "

Sirius giggled while James exploded with laughter. All of the sudden, things didn't feel all that grim.

„Now, now, Jim, we're not fully certain _what _Snivellus really is. ", Sirius retorted with a mischievous glint in his eye, so very characteristical of him when planning a prank. „For all we know, he could be some strange new cross between goblin and bat. "

„I've always had this theory…", James leaned in, his tone a mock-serious whisper, „ You see, I'm not fully sure they closed the Chamber of Secrets-"

He stopped for the stunned look on Sirius' face.

„Pads, I'm kidding. You know, Snape being the monster of Salazar Slytherin, ha ha ha, kidding? "

„I. Can. Not. BELIEVE we didn't pull that one sooner! I can just picture it! Bloody signs;

'The Chamber has been opened.

Bow down to the biggest nose in the history of mankind,

the greasiest hair,

that dirty pair of under shorts!

See what caused Moaning Myrtle to try and gouge out her eyes

for there has been no worse a fate!

Snivelly can be found on the second floor, be sure to bring binoculars.'"

„Padfoot, have I ever told you I loved you? ", Peter yelled as he threw himself on the brown-haired boy.

„Get your paws off me Wormy or I swear, I'll tell Snape to petrify you! "

To his surprise, not only did that not happen, but he found himself also covered by the weight of one James Potter, Qiudich extraordinaire, apt at dodging every fake punch, more so at tickling the living daylight out of his best friend.

„Bummed…as I am…that I…Ow! That hurt! "

„Get. Off. Me! "

„Never! "

„You leave…me…no…choice….I"

„Never give in! ", James smiled, avoiding his bite, „Never surrender! "

„I swear to Merlin, Jim, if you don't stop…"

„You'll what? "

„Pull your hair off your head! "

„Ow! "

„You left me no choice! "

„You didn't _have _to! You did nothing to Pete! "

„Peter, I'll eat you next time you're a rat. "

„Fair enough. "

„Thank you. Now, if you two are done touching me in all the wrong places, can we go back to business? We have less than an hour until Moony comes back from the library. "

„Pads, I still don't understand why we're not telling him. "

„It's Moony, Jim. "

„He'll understand. "

„Yeah, Pads, I think so too. "

„It's stealing, you two. He hardly approves anymore when we bother Snape, much less would he understand if we stole something it took him a month to brew. It's also going against someone's free will. _And_ it's illegal. "

Peter sighed, nodding. James, however, stared quite quizzically at Sirius, who pretended not to notice-

„So", he went on, „I think this could work-"

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

„Oh, Sniiiiiiiiivellus! Where for art thou Sniiiiiiiiivellus? "

„Oh, Merlin. "

Irritated beyond the depiction of words, all Severus Snape did was turn, ever so slowly, towards the two Marauders.

„It's been too long, don't you think? ", James said, Peter right beside him, his gaze switching from the potion filled cauldron, the young Slytherin, and then back again.

Behind them, the door of the lavatory stayed open just a second too long.

„I see you've used your time to discover those strange objects with covers and pages in between, Potter? "

„I see you're lovelier still, Snape. "

„Care to bore someone else? "

„Care to roll over and play dead? "

„I fear only your friend Black is apt at such tricks. And where is he, by the way? Rolling in the mud with the inbred? "

The air stiffened visibly.

„Listen, you half-blood mutation, don't you ever breathe a word like that about my friends! ", James spat out. He had never in his life used the word _half-blood_ until now; until he was angry enough to know such a meaningless compilation of letters had the power to truly hurt the boy he was faced with.

„You do know how to pick them, don't you Potter? Bloodtraitor-"

„Did Malfoy teach you such a fancy word? "

„_Bloodtraitor_ and monster. I hazard to think what Lucius would do if I told him of your friend's monthly troubles. "

Without a warning, thin air kicked him down with raging force flat on his face.

„What the-"

„Padfoot! ", yelled James in surprise.

„Padfoot? ", Severus exclaimed, as if rolling the word over in his mind, making sure it went unforgotten.

He reached for his wand but, inexplicably, it was knocked out of his reach by some ethereal force, said force sounding remarkably like the disowned Black hair when it muttered „greasy git" under its breath.

„Stupefy! ", James screamed at Snape. „Pads, get it! "

And there, behind Snape's unmoving back they switched the Veritaserum for plain water. As Sirius slipped the flask into his coat, they scurried for the door, James ending the spell before they all, all but one, began to run.

As he crawled for his wand, a bodiless booth pushed down on his hand.

„Listen, and listen closely, precious. If I ever hear a word about what Lupin turns into to anyone, if you so much as talk in your sleep, I swear on the four founders I'll finish what Jim stopped. I'll rip you to shreds piece by slimy piece, is that clear? "

„Black? "

„Say yes, Severus. "

„It is you, isn't it? "

„No matter. I hope Lucy likes her potion. "

With that, he and the rest of his invisible body were gone. Alone again, save for Myrtle's moaning, Severus knelt above his cauldron, reluctantly poking a finger into its content.

He licked the potion off, closed his eyes, and after a moment somberly said:

„I do not wish a most painful end to Sirius Black. "

His eyes fluttered open, his mouth twitching in shocked silence.

„I wish Lilly would fall in love with Potter. "

Another soundless beat, then two.

„I think Lord Voldemort has a funny name. "

Gulp.

He stared as his now dry finger.

„Oh, shit. "

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

„Sirius, where were you? "

„Explaining a few things. "

„You nearly blew the whole thing! "

„Jim, he threatened to-"

„Yeah, I know. Now, tell me straight; what do _you _need the potion for? "

„James…"

„Padders, tell the truth… what do you want Remus to say? "

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

„I want you to tell me again, Black; did you or did you not jinx my Potions essay? "

„No. ", was the only dry reply he received.

Now, some people change over time. Their manner of speaking alters, their values shift, their strutting, say from when they were teenagers, becomes less apparent.

„Listen Black, I think you know me well enough to assume I shan't shy away from the Cruciatus. "

Lucius Malfoy, however, had merely aged. As he walked in what was known to be a menacing manner, his self-control beginning to waver, one could imagine him every bit the senior aristocrat, were he not seventeen.

„I shall ask you one more time- wait, did you drink that wine? "

„Yes, why? Did you poison it? ", a mischievous smirk formed on the brunette's face.

„Not that I recall. "

„Well then, now that we've covered the formalities…", Bellatrix rose elegantly off the leather couch in the middle of the Slytherin common room.

„Wait! "

„Don't you dare raise your voice at me, Lucius! Just because Narcissa has taken a liking of you, doesn't imply I need to be courteous. Or, for that matter, not kill you. "

„Bellatrix, we're to be brother and sister in law-"

„Inappropriate, isn't it? I'd say so. You should thank your lucky divination balls that I won't run to Cissy and tell her just how well acquainted we really are. "

„Well, I-", he was going to go on about duties, common pureblood curtsey, his obligations, all the above necessary to prevent the sister of his future bride at, shall we say, spilling her guts unnecessarily and to stop making his life a living hell.

It was quite enough that the essay he had spent a week working on, when handed in, merely glowed a bright green with the inscription:

'I'm too well connected to have to work for your stupid class.

Not to mention, I already bought my N.E.W.T.S. '

He had been certain she… but then he remembered, she had taken the Veritaserum.

„You won't tell Narcissa? "

„Wouldn't dream of it. ", she quipped, her voice oddly dramatic. Then, she turned on her heel and swiftly made her way to the girls' dormitory.

Lucius took her place on the couch, lying down, pouring some wine for himself, untying his luxuriant hair, more relaxed than he had been in days.

Pity, for she lied.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Reviews are your friend. And mine. So, pweety please do. 

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„So… Remus. "

„Yeah, Remus. "

„Lupin…"

„Yeah, him. "

„Our best friend, for the last five years. "

„Prongs…"

„Aha? "

„Does it really bother you that much? "

„Sirius…. To be honest… „

„Yeah? "

„It doesn't bother me at all. What bothers me…"

„Yeah? "

„You….didn't tell me. "

„Jim…"

„You've always told me…"

„_Jim…"_

„Everything. You've always told me everything. And already _he _has us keeping secrets. "

„_A _secret, Jim. Not plural. "

„Yeah…"

„Prongs? "

„Yeah? "

„I was…"

„Mhm? "

„Worried…"

„Yeah? "

„Scared. "

„Why? "

„I…thought…maybe…", Sirius had never had this great a guilt trip, „Maybe you'd be freaked out. "

„Padders, I _am _freaked out! Doesn't mean you shouldn't have told me! "

„Yeah? "

„Yeah, you big poofter! "

„Jim! "

„Sirius! I can't believe you-"

„I didn't think you wouldn't love me. Just that…"

„---„

„Maybe you'd be… you know… confused. "

„Yeah? "

„Like I was. "

„Aha. "

„Yeah. "

„You were…. scared? "

„Yeah, Jim, I was. "

„Really? "

„Well, it's not… normal. "

„Padders…. "

„It's not, Jim. "

„Sirius…. "

„But I've decided I don't care. "

„Sirius…"

„Jim, I love him. "

„Really? "

„Yes. "

„Padfoot, you do know- "

„What, James? What? "

„There's nothing wrong with that. "

„Jim…"

„Siri, I mean it. Nothing, there's _nothing _wrong with it. Hell, at least Moony likes you. "

„---"

„What? Did I say something? "

„You really think so? "

„Merlin, Sirius, he fawns all over you. "

„Moony does _not _fawn. "

„He does with you.'Oh Sirius, I just learned the most fascinating thing… Oh, Sirius, listen to what I just found out….Oh, Sirius, I just read that gillyweed helps you snort under pressure or some such crap' "

„That's only because I'm the only one that actually wants to listen to him. "

„Exactly! You don't know what I'd give to have Evans tell me about all the boring stuff she's read…"

„It still doesn't prove a thing! "

„It proves everything! And, besides, I've always thought Moony was a little…"

„What? "

„On the soft side. "

„Jim! "

„What? He's never cared about a girl-"

„Jim! "

„What, Pads?! You have to admit it; all he cares about is you. "

„Yeah? "

„Yes, you insecure idiot. _You _don't need Veritaserum…"

„You sure about that? "

„It's Moony, Pads. He loves you. "

„Think so? "

„Know so. While I, on the other hand…"

„Prongs? "

„Aha? "

„You think we're… soft? "

„What? "

„You know, _us…_ you think we're soft? "

„You're loosing me, you mean you and Moony? "

„No, us, queer guys, whatever? "

„Sirius, it was just an expression. "

„_Do_ you? "

„Who? You or the rest of these blokes I don't know? "

„Me, them, whoever. "

„You I know, them I haven't met. "

„You think _I'm_ soft?! "

„Siri, it was just an expression, I'm sorry. "

„Really? "

„Only on the inside, the rest I'm sorry I mentioned. _Now,_ let's get back to work, the ball _is _approaching…"

„Yeah…"

„Now, what are you gonna say? "

„I don't know. "

„I thought you were the brains. "

„I thought you were. "

„Damn. "

"We're fucked. "

„Yeah. "

„Ruined. "

„Yeah. "

„How 'bout we ask Moony? "

„Jim! "

„Just kidding. "

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

„Pass me the gillyweed. "

„---"

„The gillyweed, please. "

„---"

„Remus? "

„---"

„Remus! "

„Sorry, what? "

„The gillyweed. "

„Yes, certainly, we add gill weed."

„Now. "

„Right, sorry. "

„Well, would you pass me some? "

„Hm? What? "

„---"

„I'm sorry Lilly, I tuned out. "

„I noticed. Would you pass me the gillyweed, please? "

„Oh, right. "

„Remus? "

„Yes? "

„Is anything wrong? "

„No, why? "

„Well, your concentration isn't… at its best. Or, well, at all. For one thing, you've been slicing the same mandragora root for the past half hour. "

He looked down at his hands, huddled around a pile of what closely resembled sawdust.

„I'm thorough. "

„The directions said to add the whole root. "

„Oh. I must have…been preoccupied. Won't happen again, I assure you. „

„Remus, it's not the potion that worries me. Now, honestly, is anything wrong? "

„No, no, can't think of a thing. Must just be under slept. "

„You're a pathetic liar, you know that? "

„And you're intent at ignoring my reluctance to discuss my feelings, aren't you? "

„Yes. "

„Well, determination isn't always enough to get you what you wish. "

„I'm your friend, Remus. "

„Then you should know I'm neither a people person nor tend to discuss my emotions. "

„And bitchy. "

He smiled.

„Language, _prefect _EvansAnd besides, that's all the more reason not to talk to me. "

„You really are difficult, did any of the other friends you must treat ever-so-kindly tell you that? "

„Loads of times, especially in a foul mood. "

„Much like now. "

„Precisely. "

„I see. Care to partake in casual and thus shallow and uninteresting conversation then? "

„You know, whenever you talk like this, I see precisely why you are the undisputed light of Snape's life. "

„Save for being a mudblood. "

„I keep thinking you've forgiven him. "

„Only a fool would. "

„Perhaps, though perhaps it is those most dear to us that we find most difficult to forgive. "

„Hardly the point, considering. So, meaningless conversation? "

„My pleasure. ", Lupin lied, utterly aware his jest about Snape cost Lilly her mood. „You going to the Yule Ball? ", he asked, trying to pull a smile.

„I have to, don't I? Being prefect and all. "

„Who with? "

„I…I'm not sure, you? "

„I, um…haven't decided yet. "

„What about your charming friends, are they coming? "

„Why Lilly Evans, how unlike you to inquire of James Potter's whereabouts. "

„I didn't ask for his in particular, nor would I, had he not charmed the snow last year. "

„You must admit, it was an entertaining blizzard."

„I'd rather be torn apart by hinkypunks this year. "

„Funny you should say…"

„No! "

„Of course not, they never repeat themselves. "

„I can't imagine why the Slytherins haven't cursed them yet, I hear their common room has never looked the same. "

„I think they're still planning revenge. "

„Probably, though for the life of me, I don't see why-„

„Dumbledore hasn't expelled them? "

„That, and why-"

„I choose such childish company for friends? You're becoming predictable. "

„Sorry, I simply-"

„Can't phantom why obviously intelligent beings would spend their time concocting pranks. "

„Yeah, that. Sorry…"

„I wish you could see there's more to them than that. James, in particular. "

„Like what? "

„The sheer… determination to keep sending you Christmas presents each year even though you won't give him the time of day."

„You _know_? "

„We all know, Lilly, James starts thinking it up a month in advance. He already has this year's. "

There was a moment of silence, a thunderous lack of words in which Lilly was suppressing the urge to ask what it was.

„Perhaps… if you hadn't shot him down on Friday, you'd know what it was right now. "

„Remus! "

„What? "

„I told you not to do this. He's just…"

„Immature? Frivolous? Thinks everything is a game? I've heard it all. "

„Then why do you keep asking? "

„Because he'll never stop, and I should like to cease seeing him so… sad. "

„And what about me? "

„What about you? James. To him, it's all about you Lilly. "

"This… this is not shallow conversation! "

„Only if you care for the subject matter. "

She glanced at him with the severity of a look commonly known as _'Potter!'_

„Fine, I'll stop. Jeesh, now I know how Jim feels. I'll tell you one thing though…"

„What? "

„You'll love this year's prank. "

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

„Pink? "

„No, green! "

„Brown? To match his eyes? ", James suggested.

Finally, Remus was overcome with the urge to join in the fun.

„Too subtle. Red. To match the candor of his personality. "

They were all seated on the bed, giggling incessantly.

„I know. Red and GOLD! To symbolize what he most hates! ", Sirius yelled.

„Us? "

„Exactly! Gentlemen, I think we have a winner. This year, the lovely Snivellus will be wearing the latest of fashions in ladies wear, a crimson creation, hand sown and with golden details-"

„How could I not have known?! ", James said in mock shock.

„Shut up, Prongsie! "

„Known what? "

„Nothing Moony, nada. Jimmy was just telling me that he admits I'm the better wizard. "

„Liar! "

„He's just jealous. So… the Yule Ball. "

Casually, or seemingly so, James ventured out of the room, dragging Peter along.

„Where did they-„

„Library. So… the Yule Ball. "

„Yes. "

„Wine, women and song. Well, really butterbeer, but you get my drift. And also not really wo-"

„You going with anyone special? "

„Rem, I was just about to ask you the same question. "

„You were? "

„Yeah, my Moony, I was. "

„You first. "

„Well, if I'm lucky. If they'll have me. "

„They? Is there more than one lucky girl? "

„No, no, just one person. But, you see… I'm ever so slightly afraid to ask them. "

„Why? "

„What if they say no? "

„Sirius, whoever it is, they won't say no. "

„You sure? "

„Doubtless. "

They had somehow moved to standing in front of the mirror, one behind the other, Sirius looking at them from behind Remus' back.

„What about you? Anyone special? "

„I doubt _I'm _that lucky. "

„Anyone you like is. "

„I don't know…"

„Moony, you're a catch, anyone with half a brain knows that. "

„Are you calling the population of Hogwarts witless? "

Sirius laughed. Their bodies were so close.

„Oh, Moony. "

„Yeah? "

„Whatever happens, promise me a dance. "

„A dance? We'd make a right spectacle out of ourselves. "

„Don't you want to dance with me? "

„I… yes, I'll dance with you. "

„Pwoooomise? "

Remus nodded slightly, viewing their reflection, him slightly taller than the gorgeous Marauder.

„We make quite a pair, don't we Moony? "

He nodded, mesmerized.

„Sometimes I think…"

„What, Rem? "

His forehead leans against Lupin's shoulder, brown locks covering it. He's almost afraid to look up.

„Forget it. "

„No, no… Tell me. ", he whispers into his shirt.

„I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone more than you lot. Whatever happens, don't forget that. "

„Whatever happens. "

„Whatever…", their fingers entwined, Sirius looked up.

Maybe…

Now…

„You're my family, Pads. My home. "

„Family. Right. ", Sirius swallows.

All of the sudden, he feels bitter, and betrayed, and hopeless, and all he wants is to angrily stalk away from Moony who let him think that maybe, now, he could…

But, he can't. Neither can he let himself walk away, nor can he ask, and to Hades with it, finally seal his pitiful fate.

Their fingers are still entwined.

And Sirius can't, for the life of him, make himself let go.

„Whatever happens? ", he asks, in spite of everything.

„Always. ", Remus answers, his tone a mixture of gratitude and something… Something touched. Moved.

Sirius wonders what that is.

„Padfoot? "

„Aha? "

„You should ask her. You should. There's no chance she'll say no."


End file.
